Temet Nosce
“Eat at a local restaurant tonight. Get the cream sauce. Have a cold pint at 4 o’clock in a mostly empty bar. Go somewhere you’ve never been. Listen to someone you think may have nothing in common with you. Order the steak rare. Eat an oyster. Have a negroni. Have two.” – Anthony Bourdain.
We were driving to the market the other evening and passed someone running along the road. He was tall, slender, had obviously been running for some years and had one of those effortless running styles that made it look as if he could run forever. I mean I have no idea. He could have been running for two days and was just making it look easy. But as we drove past I commented to the other half about how great the guy looked. Whilst she wasn’t rude about him, she made it clear that she didn’t share my view.
It got me thinking. What is my goal? I mean, aside from completing the Bristol Half and Brighton Marathons? Is it to look like that guy? To get to my adolescent weight? To be alcohol free, swerving carbs like I used to dodge salads? To live forever?
There is no doubt that I could not have carried on the way I did towards the end of last year whilst continuing to enjoy the benefits of health and mental well being for too much longer. I ate garbage food, drank every day and exercised not at all. Now I am more conscientious of what I eat, drink maybe twice a week and exercise regularly. Is it enough? Have I done it?
The simple answer is no, I haven’t. There is still quite some way to go to achieve ‘it’. Trouble is, I’m not entirely sure what ‘it’ is.
Setting out the mini-goals has been great to get me out of my blue funk that started to invade everyday life. Lethargic, grouchy, seemingly buckling under the weight of everyday life during the pandemic. Applying myself diligently at work and then spending the weekends staring vacantly into space until I could convince myself that it was late enough in the day to have a drink and avoid calling myself dependant. The lightbulb moment came when, sitting in a pub with friends and talking about Dartmoor I had enough presence of mind and residual self image to realise that there was no way that I would be able to complete the challenge in the shape that I was. 100 alcohol free days later, running regularly and counting of tens of miles at a time during weekend hikes and I was in much better shape, mentally and physically. Tick!
Now it is a case of maintaining that momentum. Hence the half and full marathons. Good goals to have, and a good amount of time to get the right physical and mental shape. So as an interim goal it is a good one to aim for. But, does there need to be an overarching goal? The axiom that you should take the little wins as they add up to the big ones rings true for me here. Finishing a 5k ‘easy pace’ run is still enough of a challenge for me that when I finish, I feel as if I have put some effort in. So I have at least a year (well, 10 months) to work out what the long, long-term goal is. Or at least, put something else in play until I’ve worked out what ‘it’ might be.
And that should be just fine.
“Be open to a world where you may not understand or agree with the person next to you, but have a drink with them anyways. Eat slowly. Tip your server. Check in on your friends. Check in on yourself. Enjoy the ride.” – Anthony Bourdain.
